As I stepped into his abode the next day, his room stank of alcohol. Or was it his breath? I feel so much anger building in my system. A leopard never changes its spots? A good example, I believe. I left the room and sulked in the living area. I kept asking myself, "Why do I keep coming back to someone that is so insensitive to my feelings? Why am I such a blonde?"
After all I did, with just that thread of gratitude, all I want is for him to be well and stop gallivanting. But as he proves to me his capabilities, even when he is injured, any amount of hope evaporates into thin air.
When he wakes up, pretending nothing happened, with his usual antic, soon, a screaming match pursued. I had enough. Enough of me loving him too much, enough of me swallowing my self-worth and pride, enough of my sacrifices. I had to go.
With his ego thick in his head, he asked me to leave, not to come back. Well, good riddance, I thought. For all I have done, I received a "Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am". With a very broken heart, I packed my bags. His Mom peered at me, asked me to simmer myself down with the drink that she had just made for me, while I sobbed in silence. I hugged her, asked for any forgiveness as I told her, that I give up. Give up fighting for this love. Fighting for any ray of hope. She engulfed me in her hug, wiping my tears and telling me to give him time. I'm afraid too much time has passed on. Too much in fact.
All this while, he stay locked in his room. Unwilling to open the door even as I bid goodbye, wanting to take my clothes that was placed in the wardrobe. So, I left.
Left his home, left his life, left whatever remaining memories I have of him. It was an open cut to my heart. Once again, in our relationship, we decided to end it all.
The only person that stopped communicating with me was him whilst his family members ever so often calls and sometimes even hanging out with his Elder Sister. He ever voiced his regret to them but I guess I had enough of the dramas. 4 years I engulfed myself in the roller coaster ride and now, I have ran out of zest for it.
....................................................................................................................................................................
Many would not believe this, but I chose to forgive him as we met again couple of months later. We hanged out again, dated and dined and became friends, all over again. We talked about our pasts, laughed at each other about it and still share a similar dream, while gazing at the stars above.
We still find each other at the end of the day, despite the hurt and who is to blame, when love conquers all? But slowly we are taking, a step at a time. Never to hurt again. We were better off friends, best as lovers but as partners, we needed time. This time round, as 2 years has passed, we are happier this way.
Well, friends and families definitely put a wager on this. My current dates can never figure out my relationship with him. If you ask me, I have no idea as well. I am unable to put a word to it. It is that kind of love. Just unexplainable. Something that is only understood, between me and Mr Conversationalist. Perhaps.
Age plays a part in this too, as we mature and tackle problems with a better mindset. Mind before heart, remember, never to hurt again.
To a love that no one understands, he is a very special one.
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